1 year ago today, I woke up to blood all over me and rushed to the ER, where they confirmed my ectopic pregnancy. Not only did I NOT have a choice to save a little life, with a tiny beating heart that we created but I was extremely close to losing my life as well from bleeding internally. The physical scars are almost gone but mentally and emotionally it still hits me hard. The sense of loss and grief are things I still deal with daily. Some days like today are especially tough and flashbacks of that day have been popping up all week…
The past year has been hell suffering from PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief and guilt from what happened & everything else in between. It was more than losing a pregnancy; a big part of myself was lost a long the way, along with my relationships with certain individuals. So many people have judged & attacked me in the way that I have tried to cope & did not allow me to grieve and heal in the way that I chose to. Many of these people have tried to force me to “get over it” or have thrown my emotions in my face, portraying me as this horrible person. I no longer have those people in my life but luckily I still have a few by my side.
I’m eternally grateful and thankful for Leonard who has gotten me through every single day, despite all the obstacles and little support from loved ones. To those very few individuals who have been there for me even from hundreds of miles away, thank you guys for getting me through this year & not giving up on me💕It has been long process but this year has really brought light to what is really important and what I need to focus on. I thank God for blessing me with another day and for giving me the strength to keep fighting through each day.
December 20, 2018 & every December 20th moving forward is a day that will always mean something to me and nobody can ever take that away💖💙👼🏼🙏🏼