The last time I felt like I needed a fresh start was the moment I decided to pick up everything and move to Orlando. Even though it was only 2.5 hrs up north of the place I’ve called home for more than 20 years, I thought it would fulfill the change I was craving. I had just broken up with an ex of almost 3 years, didn’t really see myself progressing in my career and I just wanted to explore and experience something different.
I’d be lying if I said how easy the transition was and like most who move to a different state, country, or even first time moving out of their parent’s house, it was a wave of emotions. As much I wanted to feel excited about being a new place, I was trying to avoid the feeling that I was just running away from my life back home. Pretending or brushing my emotions to the side wasn’t what I was attempting to do, however that’s exactly how everything came off.
September 11 of this year marked 3 years of being up here. Sucks to say it has not been a successful ride and of course many lessons have been learned. I’ve experienced some of the lowest points in life throughout these years here but somehow I’m not ready to go. It’s been tough. I’ve changed… A LOT. My anxiety is out of control, I deal with depression and to be honest I’ve lost my sense of direction in life. I’ve gotten my heart broken AGAIN, lost almost EVERYTHING I have worked hard for and as cliche as it sounds, I lost myself.
But with the bad… I can guarantee, comes something good. I’ve met some of the most genuine people up here who have never failed to show up for me. One constant thing is the endless support I’ve received, whether it’s friends who I’ve known for awhile from back home or the ones who have proven that it’s really not about how long they’ve been in my life. I cannot thank them enough for being my source of comfort, reassurance, motivation and everything in between, during those times when I felt like I wasn’t enough. They’ve seen me at my worst and never made me feel like a burden.
Eventually, there comes a point where you get tired of being down and defeated… that time for me is now. I no longer want to feel sorry for myself or entertain the negative energy that unapologetically tries to consume me during your weakest moments. I’ve accomplished way too much to ever give up. I’ve been doubted countless times and I’ve always persevered— SO, WHY STOP NOW???? These days aren’t always easy and I have my good days and bad. I know there’s going to be tough moments each day but just know that this is the beginning of my healing journey to get to the place where I feel most like me…
It took me about three months to finish writing this… I just hope it gave a little insight of what I’ve been dealing with or those wondering why I’ve been distant. I can’t wait to share more with you all…